Greetings once again, you lovely morsels.  My invitation is still open, is it not? Yes, it very well is.

 

So many things have happened since last I spoke to you, therefore, I’ve completely forgotten where it was we left off.


No matter.


Underworld! This trilogy is currently on my mind, as I’ve recently seen its final installment. However, I don’t believe I shall discuss the final installment. What’s this? You wish for me to discuss it? Allow me to think on it.

 

No.

 

Although, I will say that I’ve met vampires like Victor before. Amusing onscreen—not so amusing if one has ever had the displeasure of dealing with one, though I do respect his…spunk. This is a word, oui?

 

Werewolves. I mean really. Mind you, I found a story involving a war betwixt vampires and werewolves rather interesting. Entertaining, even, I’ll grant you this, though vampires have enough trouble getting along without introducing other creatures to the mix. In any event, I sincerely doubt werewolves would look as they do in these films. Particularly the last one. Yet I refused to discuss this one, and to this I hold. Therefore, we move along.

 

The hybrids of the second installment were quite interesting. Marcus shifted and in flight is by far more impressive than rubber bats on fishing wires. I’ve yet to encounter such a creature in all these centuries; pity, that. As to his being such a nuisance in battle, why not rip his wings from him and be done with it, I say. Is this so difficult? At least then you’d have him on the ground for some true action! (As for myself, I need no wings to fly. My, my, I gave you this information for free, as is said, now didn’t I?)

 

I jest—mostly. I enjoyed much of the action in these films, to be certain. Endlessly amusing, and indeed, some of it well done. Selene in hunting leathers, PVC, what have you, does wonders for my eyes, I assure you.

 

I know what it is you’re thinking. Not merely for my eyes. Mmm. Yes. I was thinking the same.

 

I don’t quite grasp why she appeared so much weaker in the first installment. She was stronger yet in the second film before having new blood. Surely this was arranged so that the human Michael would endear himself to her by “saving” her in the first film—which is not a bad way, not a bad way at all, to endear yourself to a vampire, I will say. Though I assure you wholeheartedly, there are other ways.

 

I happen to know someone whom I could compare to Michael as a hybrid, by the by. No, he is not half werewolf. I mean really, werewolves. It’s merely—never mind this. My fingers are digressing where they ought not.

 

I must say I do so love the sound in at least two of these films. Ah, the sound of bones cracking, of viscera crunching, when the lycans shift. Music!

 

But why so much gunplay? How preposterous are UV rounds, I ask you? “Sunlight” harnessed in bullet casings? Ahah, ahaha, ahahaha! I nearly laughed myself into a coma.

 

Why not fight the good old fashioned way: with claws and teeth. Mmm, claws and teeth

 

What was I after saying?


Oh yes. I do have so much fun with these films, really I do, regardless of my…jabs. This is another word, no?

 

You must forgive me now; I am once again thinking of PVC, claws and teeth—though not Selene’s.

 

Ciao for now.


DRACULA

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