You're workin' my tit! (Can you dig it?)

Posted by Sherry Roit on Wednesday, October 23, 2013 Under: General


No, this is not porn. That's slang, for gettin' on my last nerve, and such. Dang, but some days people wear me out.

So let's go over a few things because I feel like it, and I need to get it out of my system, and also - surely some of you will be nodding along with this. This is for you, too. Now, some of this applies more to the net. But some applies to both offline and online. The net just seems to amplify bad behavior.

-Disagreement does not equal OMG I HATE YOU DIE. It means I disagree, perhaps we can have a stimulating discussion? No? Bummer.

-Disagreement also does not mean OMG YOU MEANIE STOP IT. No, I am not being defensive, I simply disagree. It's okay to do that, you know. Stop being so afraid and also, please stop telling me to calm down. I am completely calm, because as I said, I am not being defensive nor upset. But if you keep telling me to chill (to shut me up, basically, since I disagree, that's what that is) then I AM going to get irritated.

-Opinion does not equal fact. We all have been, and are going to be, wrong many times in our lives.

-Not every opinion is worthy of respect. I mean really; there are some effed up opinions out there and I am not required by virtue of you being human, to respect them. But guess what? That means you don't need to, either!

-Telling someone on the net they don't belong on the net, when you're on the net too,  is utterly ridiculous. We all get a piece of the playground and sure, there are some we wish would go elsewhere, but it doesn't work that way. Ignore the ones you don't like. Funny how difficult that is for some people. You've often wished you had an off switch or remote for real life confrontations, and now that you have the equivalent on the net, you don't use it! Why? It's marvelous! You cannot blame people for believing that perhaps you enjoy the drama.

-On the other hand...we are all real people (except for the spambots) interacting, so why do you say horrid things to people that you'd never say to their face? Does that truly give you any power? Any satisfaction? I'm sorry for you if so. That's a sad life. We can try to be civil, can we not? No? Time for me to use that switch. 

-If you do not use the proper words to convey what you are trying to say, do not berate me for failing to understand. I've lost count of the "That's not what I mean..." Well, it's true there are times I may be failing to see a point, but it's also true that many, many times, humans are not using the right words. Stop. Breathe. Think. Conversely, stop reading things into my sentences that are not present. I do my best to say what I mean and mean what I say, even making very blunt statements at times, and yet someone always tries to read into the most straightforward comment. Then you get angry with me when I inform you that you're reading into it and that I said what I meant. On the net, people get upset with me because straightforward sentences "sound" mean. Or angry. Or whatever. But they cannot sound like anything, people. No tone in text. You projected the emotion into it yourself. Interestingly, many people seem to know that phrase, "no tone in text," and find it quite useful when defending themselves, but then forget about it when it comes to someone else's post...

-One of the most irritating questions ever: "What do you mean by that?" And all variations of.

-insert hair pulling and scream-

Don't you hate that? Particularly when you've said something as simple as "No, I don't want to."

"What does that mean?"

-scream- What the fuck do you THINK it means???


I can't help but feel that we've grown so sensitive, defensive, self-absorbed and unaccustomed to people saying what they mean, rather than dancing, that we've forgotten how to communicate. There are other factors, but time and again, I come back to this thought. One thing was the ultra PC movement, causing people to stop being direct because someone was going to be offended. While I do not think we should go out of our way to hurt someone's feelings, I also think many are just itching for a reason to be offended. I have talked to someone who made so many "qualifiers" around every single statement, so as to assure no offense would be taken, that I was offended the "conversation" was even taking place. (It was wasting my time and driving me insane. SPIT IT OUT.)  My brain fucked off five minutes into it, no doubt.

But you know what? In life, shit happens. You are going to be offended. You are going to offend someone else, no matter how hard you try not to. So how about we just say what we mean and get it over with, and stop being so damned defensive, and stop being HYPOCRITES. For example, the notion that it's okay to have an opinion as long as it agrees with yours. That's the "code" on the net and really, offline more and more. As soon as someone disagrees, people are ready to cry foul.

...And people wonder why I love my Euro* clients. That's right, I said it. We Americans are so damned sensitive and righteous and entitled and I could on...No, other countries aren't perfect, but I find I can at least have a grown up conversation, one where we may even vehemently disagree on something, and still smile and be friends afterwards. I have one client, he's Polish, and to hear us you'd think we hated each other, each thinking the other is full of shit. But guess what? We don't. It's just how we do. He gives me a hard time, disagrees simply because it's more interesting, and I give it back. 

He's been coming to me for years.

*Because they understand everything I said above.

Now listen, I have run into Americans that get it. But I feel sad that it's not as often. If your'e out there, you are my TRIBE! SAVE ME. 

Seriously. Being single and trying to date again will really bring this home. I have had some men say they like directness, but I have found they do not truly understand that...I put them off.

Ah, well.


















In : General 


Tags: streaming  life  do you relate? 
blog comments powered by Disqus

You're workin' my tit! (Can you dig it?)

Posted by Sherry Roit on Wednesday, October 23, 2013 Under: General


No, this is not porn. That's slang, for gettin' on my last nerve, and such. Dang, but some days people wear me out.

So let's go over a few things because I feel like it, and I need to get it out of my system, and also - surely some of you will be nodding along with this. This is for you, too. Now, some of this applies more to the net. But some applies to both offline and online. The net just seems to amplify bad behavior.

-Disagreement does not equal OMG I HATE YOU DIE. It means I disagree, perhaps we can have a stimulating discussion? No? Bummer.

-Disagreement also does not mean OMG YOU MEANIE STOP IT. No, I am not being defensive, I simply disagree. It's okay to do that, you know. Stop being so afraid and also, please stop telling me to calm down. I am completely calm, because as I said, I am not being defensive nor upset. But if you keep telling me to chill (to shut me up, basically, since I disagree, that's what that is) then I AM going to get irritated.

-Opinion does not equal fact. We all have been, and are going to be, wrong many times in our lives.

-Not every opinion is worthy of respect. I mean really; there are some effed up opinions out there and I am not required by virtue of you being human, to respect them. But guess what? That means you don't need to, either!

-Telling someone on the net they don't belong on the net, when you're on the net too,  is utterly ridiculous. We all get a piece of the playground and sure, there are some we wish would go elsewhere, but it doesn't work that way. Ignore the ones you don't like. Funny how difficult that is for some people. You've often wished you had an off switch or remote for real life confrontations, and now that you have the equivalent on the net, you don't use it! Why? It's marvelous! You cannot blame people for believing that perhaps you enjoy the drama.

-On the other hand...we are all real people (except for the spambots) interacting, so why do you say horrid things to people that you'd never say to their face? Does that truly give you any power? Any satisfaction? I'm sorry for you if so. That's a sad life. We can try to be civil, can we not? No? Time for me to use that switch. 

-If you do not use the proper words to convey what you are trying to say, do not berate me for failing to understand. I've lost count of the "That's not what I mean..." Well, it's true there are times I may be failing to see a point, but it's also true that many, many times, humans are not using the right words. Stop. Breathe. Think. Conversely, stop reading things into my sentences that are not present. I do my best to say what I mean and mean what I say, even making very blunt statements at times, and yet someone always tries to read into the most straightforward comment. Then you get angry with me when I inform you that you're reading into it and that I said what I meant. On the net, people get upset with me because straightforward sentences "sound" mean. Or angry. Or whatever. But they cannot sound like anything, people. No tone in text. You projected the emotion into it yourself. Interestingly, many people seem to know that phrase, "no tone in text," and find it quite useful when defending themselves, but then forget about it when it comes to someone else's post...

-One of the most irritating questions ever: "What do you mean by that?" And all variations of.

-insert hair pulling and scream-

Don't you hate that? Particularly when you've said something as simple as "No, I don't want to."

"What does that mean?"

-scream- What the fuck do you THINK it means???


I can't help but feel that we've grown so sensitive, defensive, self-absorbed and unaccustomed to people saying what they mean, rather than dancing, that we've forgotten how to communicate. There are other factors, but time and again, I come back to this thought. One thing was the ultra PC movement, causing people to stop being direct because someone was going to be offended. While I do not think we should go out of our way to hurt someone's feelings, I also think many are just itching for a reason to be offended. I have talked to someone who made so many "qualifiers" around every single statement, so as to assure no offense would be taken, that I was offended the "conversation" was even taking place. (It was wasting my time and driving me insane. SPIT IT OUT.)  My brain fucked off five minutes into it, no doubt.

But you know what? In life, shit happens. You are going to be offended. You are going to offend someone else, no matter how hard you try not to. So how about we just say what we mean and get it over with, and stop being so damned defensive, and stop being HYPOCRITES. For example, the notion that it's okay to have an opinion as long as it agrees with yours. That's the "code" on the net and really, offline more and more. As soon as someone disagrees, people are ready to cry foul.

...And people wonder why I love my Euro* clients. That's right, I said it. We Americans are so damned sensitive and righteous and entitled and I could on...No, other countries aren't perfect, but I find I can at least have a grown up conversation, one where we may even vehemently disagree on something, and still smile and be friends afterwards. I have one client, he's Polish, and to hear us you'd think we hated each other, each thinking the other is full of shit. But guess what? We don't. It's just how we do. He gives me a hard time, disagrees simply because it's more interesting, and I give it back. 

He's been coming to me for years.

*Because they understand everything I said above.

Now listen, I have run into Americans that get it. But I feel sad that it's not as often. If your'e out there, you are my TRIBE! SAVE ME. 

Seriously. Being single and trying to date again will really bring this home. I have had some men say they like directness, but I have found they do not truly understand that...I put them off.

Ah, well.


















In : General 


Tags: streaming  life  do you relate? 
blog comments powered by Disqus

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