Negative naggies

Posted by Sherry Roit on Wednesday, November 5, 2014 Under: Personal


Yes, I just made that up: naggies. It suits them well. I'm not speaking of other people, but our own thoughts. Our own little voice that we are told to listen to. But sometimes not. Because sometimes it's a damned negative, nagging, nincompoop. It leaves behind these ninja bombs sometimes, too. The ones you don't immediately notice, not until later when BOOM, they go off in a cloud of blackness.

Now, I'm not saying to ignore your gut instincts. I don't necessarily think our guts use that little voice, though. The more I think about it, I don't think it uses that at all. It's a FEELING. The moment the little voice gets into the action, is when you're screwed. And it happens REALLY FAST. Maybe faster for some of us than others, I don't know. Perhaps too, not everyone finds that it's all negative, but some of us really struggle with the naggie bastards. Like me.

The second I have a chance to think, and believe me, my brain can go mach 5 -- I seem to tend towards very negative ideas. Which really fucks with me, to be honest, because I am basically an optimist. Yeah, figure that one out. I know, right? I'm also (shh, don't tell anyone) a big ass sappy romantic.

But I have this really negative voice, and it just loves to have input on EVERY DAMNED THING. Some of it I can let slide, but other things? They're too personal. Far too personal. It's not just self-criticism. It's worse (for me), actually. But it does involve a lot of doubt, even when things appear to be going very well. It sneaks in like a ninja and

BOOM!


Bastard.

I wonder if creative types experience this more, or just on a more insidious level? Or just us "over thinkers?" Though many of we thinking types are also creative types. Imaginative types? Because we can imagine truly horrible scenarios, right? We can also conjure beautiful ones, but those are difficult to trust, and when they don't go precisely the way they played out in your head, it's like all is lost and ruined.

Or is that just me?

I've worked hard in my life to overcome the "fantasy" versions verses real life, and have done pretty well. I can now take some of the deviations in stride. And sometimes, it does play out like a fantasy and wowee!

But I cannot get rid of the negative naggies, and the more I take all the advice in the world about thinking positive, about distracting myself, blah blah blah...I feel the worse it is. Because I'm still just thinking about how not to think that way. It's not a cure. Maybe there is no cure. After all, one cannot escape their own mind. Sometimes trying too hard to do that is what drives people to unhealthy addictions, and when you're "sober" the problem is still there, and now you need more of whatever it was, to make it go away again.

I do not want to be that person. Sure, I have a "vice" or two, never trust anyone who doesn't, but not escapist drug therapy, if you follow. Vice covers a lot of things, not just the things other people define as bad. I consider it sort of a vice, or at least, a negative, that I may clam up and withdraw into myself, to the point of supreme laziness, (nothing matters so why bother) particularly when there is someone trying to help me. It's hard for that other person, I know. They have to be patient. Sometimes we need to withdraw. But then again, sometimes we really want the hug, no words, and we may want to explain, but we're too paralyzed to so much as speak.

Or is that just me?

I have once again begun streaming here, but as I go on, I realize this is a way for me to get it out, sitting here alone in my makeshift office, with no one looking me in the eye expecting words. This is the way I have so often been able to get things out of my head. I really do become literally paralyzed vocally at times, and it's so hard for those who love me to always understand. I don't begrudge them this. I know how it feels on the other side to have a wall come down that feels unbreakable.

Takes patience I know.

But to bring this back around, do you relate? How do YOU deal with that nag nag nag in your head? I wish I could banish it. Even if I HAVE a reason to be questioning something, I wish it wouldn't go on and on and give me a break once in a while.

Do you relate? Because it's difficult enough for me at times, let alone with the negativity of the outside world that I feel so very sensitive to, some days more than others. Like today, when every little noise grates and makes me jump, far more than usual...

But hey. It got me to blog. That's something, I suppose.

Maybe, in the end, the best "cure" is to just feel it, let it out, and see if you can move on? Though some days I think there's a never ending flood of bad shit in the naggie's arsenal.

Bastard.

In : Personal 


Tags: life  negativity  thoughts 
blog comments powered by Disqus

Negative naggies

Posted by Sherry Roit on Wednesday, November 5, 2014 Under: Personal


Yes, I just made that up: naggies. It suits them well. I'm not speaking of other people, but our own thoughts. Our own little voice that we are told to listen to. But sometimes not. Because sometimes it's a damned negative, nagging, nincompoop. It leaves behind these ninja bombs sometimes, too. The ones you don't immediately notice, not until later when BOOM, they go off in a cloud of blackness.

Now, I'm not saying to ignore your gut instincts. I don't necessarily think our guts use that little voice, though. The more I think about it, I don't think it uses that at all. It's a FEELING. The moment the little voice gets into the action, is when you're screwed. And it happens REALLY FAST. Maybe faster for some of us than others, I don't know. Perhaps too, not everyone finds that it's all negative, but some of us really struggle with the naggie bastards. Like me.

The second I have a chance to think, and believe me, my brain can go mach 5 -- I seem to tend towards very negative ideas. Which really fucks with me, to be honest, because I am basically an optimist. Yeah, figure that one out. I know, right? I'm also (shh, don't tell anyone) a big ass sappy romantic.

But I have this really negative voice, and it just loves to have input on EVERY DAMNED THING. Some of it I can let slide, but other things? They're too personal. Far too personal. It's not just self-criticism. It's worse (for me), actually. But it does involve a lot of doubt, even when things appear to be going very well. It sneaks in like a ninja and

BOOM!


Bastard.

I wonder if creative types experience this more, or just on a more insidious level? Or just us "over thinkers?" Though many of we thinking types are also creative types. Imaginative types? Because we can imagine truly horrible scenarios, right? We can also conjure beautiful ones, but those are difficult to trust, and when they don't go precisely the way they played out in your head, it's like all is lost and ruined.

Or is that just me?

I've worked hard in my life to overcome the "fantasy" versions verses real life, and have done pretty well. I can now take some of the deviations in stride. And sometimes, it does play out like a fantasy and wowee!

But I cannot get rid of the negative naggies, and the more I take all the advice in the world about thinking positive, about distracting myself, blah blah blah...I feel the worse it is. Because I'm still just thinking about how not to think that way. It's not a cure. Maybe there is no cure. After all, one cannot escape their own mind. Sometimes trying too hard to do that is what drives people to unhealthy addictions, and when you're "sober" the problem is still there, and now you need more of whatever it was, to make it go away again.

I do not want to be that person. Sure, I have a "vice" or two, never trust anyone who doesn't, but not escapist drug therapy, if you follow. Vice covers a lot of things, not just the things other people define as bad. I consider it sort of a vice, or at least, a negative, that I may clam up and withdraw into myself, to the point of supreme laziness, (nothing matters so why bother) particularly when there is someone trying to help me. It's hard for that other person, I know. They have to be patient. Sometimes we need to withdraw. But then again, sometimes we really want the hug, no words, and we may want to explain, but we're too paralyzed to so much as speak.

Or is that just me?

I have once again begun streaming here, but as I go on, I realize this is a way for me to get it out, sitting here alone in my makeshift office, with no one looking me in the eye expecting words. This is the way I have so often been able to get things out of my head. I really do become literally paralyzed vocally at times, and it's so hard for those who love me to always understand. I don't begrudge them this. I know how it feels on the other side to have a wall come down that feels unbreakable.

Takes patience I know.

But to bring this back around, do you relate? How do YOU deal with that nag nag nag in your head? I wish I could banish it. Even if I HAVE a reason to be questioning something, I wish it wouldn't go on and on and give me a break once in a while.

Do you relate? Because it's difficult enough for me at times, let alone with the negativity of the outside world that I feel so very sensitive to, some days more than others. Like today, when every little noise grates and makes me jump, far more than usual...

But hey. It got me to blog. That's something, I suppose.

Maybe, in the end, the best "cure" is to just feel it, let it out, and see if you can move on? Though some days I think there's a never ending flood of bad shit in the naggie's arsenal.

Bastard.

In : Personal 


Tags: life  negativity  thoughts 
blog comments powered by Disqus
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